One Careless Moment (Reposted)
by ProLiferChelle
Summary: AU story, set a few years after AW ended. Time frames have been tweaked to make Dante and Rain the same age. WARNINGS: Expletive in at least one chapter; spanking of child. (I'm making a point here about guilt and punishment.) Characters not invented by me are the property of Procter and Gamble Productions. The Scriptures quoted in Chapter 15 are taken from the New American Bible.
1. Chapter 1

Josie and her nine-year-old adopted daughter, Rain, were eating breakfast.

"Mom, when's Daddy coming home?" Rain asked. She took a forkful of scrambled eggs.

"As soon as he wraps up the case he's working on," Josie answered, biting into a piece of toast.

"I miss him," Rain said.

"I know. I do, too."

"But I like having a daddy I _can_ miss," Rain said thoughtfully. "I never missed Popper when he was away. I hoped he'd never come back."

"What are your plans for after school?" Josie asked.

"Dante and I are going to Foster Park with his grandma and Cory and Elizabeth."

"I'm glad you and Dante are such good friends," Josie commented.

"He's my very _best_ friend," Rain answered, picking up her orange juice.

####

After breakfast, Josie went to her bedroom to get ready for work. She unlocked a drawer in her dresser, and took out her gun. Just then,  
she heard the doorbell chime.

"That must be the package I'm expecting," Josie thought. She went to the door, leaving her gun on the dresser.

####

Josie did not think about her gun again until she was half-way to the 2-3. She headed back home, figuring that it would be better  
to be a few minutes late for her shift than to come in without her weapon.

She hurried into the house, and into the bedroom. She looked at the dresser, but the gun wasn't there.

"It must have fallen behind the dresser," Josie thought.

She got a flashlight, and looked, but there was no gun behind the dresser. There was a pen she'd been missing for more than a week,  
but no gun.

And then Josie knew where her gun was.

Josie rushed out. She was angry, very angry at Rain for having taken the gun. She was furious with herself for having left her gun on  
the dresser. She hoped, she prayed, that she could get to the school and get the gun away from Rain before something terrible happened.

####

When Josie reached the school, she saw quite a number of her brother and sister officers in the yard.

A child's body, covered with a sheet, lay on the blacktop. Teachers were shepherding their classes into the building.

Rain stood apart, still holding the gun, saying over and over in an anguished voice, "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it."  
Gently, Josie took the gun and put it in her purse.

Joe stood there, sobbing. His only comfort was that his last words to Dante had been, "Have a good day in school, son. I love you."

There was no comfort whatsoever for Josie.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rain."

The child turned around.

"Ms. Jordan?"

"Rain," said the principal to the sobbing child, "come with me."

Josie's protective maternal instincts kicked in.

"No," she said. "I'm taking my daughter home. Look at her. She doesn't need to be scolded or punished."

"Detective Sinclair," Ms. Jordan answered, "we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to..."

Josie interrupted her.

"I don't give a..." she stopped herself, and changed what she'd been about to say. "I don't give a flea's  
tush about your school policy right now. I am taking my child home NOW."

####

Toni touched Joe's arm. She did not say anything. Sometimes words are impossible to say, and would be useless.

"How many times," Joe choked out, "how many times have I had to tell someone their kid had been killed? How many  
times did I have to tell someone that? But I never thought... I never thought that I would have to tell my wife... that...  
that _our son..."_

"Do you want me to go with you?" Toni offered.

"Thanks, Toni, but this is something I need to do by myself."

####

Ten minutes later, Joe walked slowly, more slowly than he had ever walked since he was a baby just _learning_ to walk,  
into the kitchen at Carlino's. Paulina, humming to herself, was preparing the food for the lunchtime crowd. She turned  
around. One look at Joe's face told her that something was horribly, horribly wrong.

"Joe. What happened?" she asked fearfully.

"Honey, there's been an accident. Somehow... Rain Sinclair got ahold of Josie's gun and..."

"Is Rain... is she..."

"It's not Rain. It's..."

Paulina knew what Joe's next word was going to be. She knew which name he was going to speak."

"No," she whispered.

Joe nodded.

Paulina's next "No" was a scream of absolute anguish.

"I don't think," Joe said, trying to comfort both Paulina and himself, "I don't think Dante felt anything... he died instantly."

####

Josie got Rain home and put her to bed.

"Try to sleep," she whispered.

"How can I?" Rain moaned. "I killed Dante. I killed my best friend. What can I do? What can I do?"

"All we can do," Josie said, "is go to the people we've hurt, and... ask them to forgive us. And, Sunshine,  
this was more my fault than yours. If only I hadn't left my gun on the dresser."

If only. If only.

Was there ever a more futile, useless expression in the English language?


	3. Chapter 3

Toni walked up to Josie and Gary's house about an hour later and rang the doorbell. Josie came to the door.

"Could you stand some company?" Toni asked.

Josie nodded mutely, and led the way to the living room. She and Toni sat on the couch. Neither one of them spoke at first. Toni squeezed Josie's hand.

"How's Rain?" Toni asked. "I can't begin to imagine how she's feeling right now."

"She was a wreck when we got home," Josie said.

"Well, that's to be expected. Dante is," Toni corrected herself. "Dante was her best friend."

"She just kept saying things like, "I didn't mean it," and "what can I do?"

"How did you answer her?"

"I told her that all we can do now is go to the people we hurt, and ask them to forgive us."

"That's probably the best thing for her, facing Joe and Paulina as soon as possible," Toni agreed.

"But how can _I_ face them?" Josie asked. "What happened today was my fault."

"How could it be..." Toni began. Then she realized what Josie was telling her. "No. Josie, no."

"Yes, Toni. I... had just unlocked the drawer and taken out the gun when the doorbell rang. I just left the gun on the dresser. I never  
even remembered it until I was already on my way to the 2-3."

"Oh, my God," Toni whispered.

"Joe and I have always been so close... but now..."

"I wish," Toni thought, "I knew how to reach Gary."

As if she had read Toni's mind, Josie said, "I wish Gary would come home."

"I Know. He's the one you and Rain need right now."

"Toni," Josie said, "remember that time... with the tape?"

Toni nodded. "When Cindy blackmailed you, so Grant wouldn't go to jail for burning Joe and Paulina's house down."

"Joe forgave me as soon as I owned up," Josie said.

"I know," said Toni.

"But how can he or Paulina forgive me this time?"

####

A few hours later, Josie and Rain walked slowly, very slowly, up to Joe and Paulina's house. Josie's hand trembled as she rang the doorbell. Paulina opened  
the door. She looked at Rain with cold fire in her eyes.

"What are you doing here? How can you show your face after what you've done?"

"I'm sorry," Rain sobbed out. "I'm so, so SORRY!"

"You're SORRY? You killed my son and all you can say is you're SORRY?"

"Paulina," Josie said, "she's just a child."

"Just a child? Dante was just a child, too. And now he's DEAD!"

"I'm SORRY! I'm so SORRY," Rain repeated.

"Sorry won't bring Dante back to life." Paulina spoke through her teeth. "Dante is DEAD because of you. YOU'RE  
the one who should be dead, you little bastard!"

It was pure, protective reflex. Josie reached out and slapped Paulina's face.


	4. Chapter 4

Josie and Paulina stared at each other, stunned. That slap had somehow brought both of them back to their  
senses.

Josie remembered that she and Rain had come to ask forgiveness.

Paulina remembered that Rain was only a little girl.

"I shouldn't have slapped you."

"Well, I shouldn't have said what I did."

"Yes, you should!" Rain broke in. "You should! It IS my fault Dante is dead. I didn't mean it... I didn't  
mean for the gun to go off... but... I TOOK the gun to school, and THAT'S why..."

Joe came to the door.

"Did you make all the calls?" Paulina asked.

"Yes," Joe said. "Sofia will be here for the... for Dante's... for the funeral."

"Joe," Josie said.

It was not until then that Joe noticed Josie and Rain. He sent up a brief, silent, intense prayer for guidance,  
for wisdom, for the ability to forgive.

What must Josie and Rain be feeling now?

Especially Rain.

Joe looked at her and saw a look that should never be in a child's eyes, a look of guilt, of remorse, of anguish.

"I'm so sorry!" she burst out. How many times that day had Rain said the word _sorry_?

"I know you are," Joe said.

"But it doesn't bring Dante back," Paulina said. The bitterness had returned.

"No," Joe said, "it doesn't bring Dante back, Blue Eyes. But I think we need to forgive Rain for what happened."

"You're not... you're not mad at me?"

"Yes, Rain, I _am_ mad at you," Joe answered, "but I don't think I'm nearly as mad as you are at yourself."

"I wish I hadn't taken the gun to school."

"I know," Joe said, "and I also know you never meant to hurt Dante."

"But I DID hurt him! "I...I..." Once again, the child began to cry hysterically.

"I think I'd better take her home," Josie said.

####

Josie had finally gotten Rain to sleep when the phone rang. She went to answer.

"Hey, Josie, it's Toni. I just wanted to check on you again."

"Thanks, Toni. Rain and I went to see Joe and Paulina."

"What did Joe say when you told him how Rain got her hands on your gun?" Toni asked.

Josie gasped.

"Oh, Toni! I forgot to tell him!"


	5. Chapter 5

"You forgot to tell them?" Toni repeated.

"Well," Josie said, "Paulina went off on Rain, and..."

"Never mind," Toni said. "I get it. You were in a hurry to get Rain out of there."

"Right," Josie said, "only now it's going to be so much harder to tell them the truth."

"But you'll _have_ to tell the truth sooner or later," said Toni.

"I know," Josie said, "but how can I tell Joe that his son is dead because his so-called best detective was careless with her gun?"

"It won't be easy," Toni admitted, "but you've made difficult confessions to Joe before."

"Not as difficult as this one is going to be."

######  
Rain, meanwhile, lay in her bed. She kept seeing herself taking that gun, bringing it to school, and then... that one minute in the schoolyard.  
She kept hearing Dante's "Rain, how did you get your Mom's gun? Dad NEVER lets me touch his gun."

"Do you want to touch this one?"

"No, and I think you should take that gun back to your Mom before someone gets hurt."

And then, the teacher on yard duty had approached. She was young and inexperienced, and she had let out a horrified shriek. Startled, Rain had  
dropped the gun. A second later, Dante...

"MOM!" Rain called. "MOM!"

####

"I have to go," Josie said. "Rain needs me."

She went to Rain's room, took the shaking child into her arms, and held her close.

"Oh, Mom," Rain sobbed, "why can't it be this morning... before I took the gun?"

"Or before I forgot to put it away," Josie said. "Sunshine, we can't change what we did, or didn't do. Some mistakes just can't be changed."

"Mom, what if nothing had happened? What if I just took the gun and brought it back after school?"

"Or if I had discovered that you'd taken it before it was too late," Josie added.

"What would you have done then, Mom?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Josie asked

"You would have punished me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Josie said, "I would have punished you, because even though it was my fault for leaving the gun on the dresser, you still knew better than to touch it."

"Then how come you _didn't_ punish me?" Rain asked.

"Because sometimes it isn't necessary."

"I wish you would, anyway."

Josie remembered the time, several years earlier, when she had confessed to Joe about tampering with the tape. He had been very understanding. No, more  
than understanding, more than forgiving. He had been _loving._ She remembered how he had told her that whatever punishment the department decided to  
hand down would be nothing compared to what she was doing to herself.

"All right, Rain," Josie said, " I will punish you... tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

**Josie lay awake for a long time. She regretted... she** _ **almost**_ **regretted... having promised to punish Rain.**

 **"How can I punish her for something that was really my fault?" she asked herself. "How can I, when Joe  
and Paulina still don't know that I left my gun on the dresser? But if I don't punish her, how can I ever again  
expect her to trust me?" Josie sighed. "What a time, " she thought, "for Gary to be away. If only he would  
wrap up that case he's working on and come home."**

 **It seemed to Josie that never before had she longed for Gary so much, that never before had she  
** _ **needed**_ **her husband so much. And yet, a part of her dreaded seeing him, dreaded telling him...  
And then, Josie heard the door to the apartment open. She heard familiar footsteps. Josie didn't  
wait for Gary to come into the bedroom. She got up and went into the living room.**

 **"Oh, Gary, something terrible..."**

 **"I know," Gary said. "Dante Carlino was shot and killed. I can't imagine what ..."**

 **Josie stopped him, saying, "It's worse than you know. Oh, Gary, it's so much worse!"**

 **"Not for us, it isn't," Gary said. "Look, I feel more sorry for Joe and Paulina than I can say,  
but at the same time I can't help being very, very thankful that Rain isn't the one who was  
shot."**

 **"Gary, please sit on the couch with me. I need to tell you something."**

 **"Sure, J."**

 **"I don't know how to tell you this," Josie said, "but..."**

 **She didn't need to continue. Gary looked closely at her, and then he knew.**

 **"No," he choked. "Not Rain. She didn't..."**

 **Josie nodded her head.**

 **"How did she get the dresser drawer open?" Gary asked.**

 **"She didn't," Josie answered. "It was my fault. I left my gun on the dresser."**

 **"You what?"**

 **"I... forgot to put the gun back in the drawer."**

 **"Well, even though you left your gun out, which you shouldn't have done, Rain  
did wrong to take it."**

 **"She knows that," Josie said, "and she actually** _ **wants**_ **me to punish her, but how  
can I when... when I haven't told Joe the truth."**

 **"Did you lie to him?"**

 **"No. I just haven't told him that I was careless with my weapon. Oh, Gary how can  
I punish Rain when I'm too much of a coward to tell Joe it was my fault?"**

 **"Should I be the one to punish her?" Gary asked.**

 **"No. It has to be me. But..." Josie hesitated. "Oh, Gary, I almost wish you would punish me!"**

 **"No," Gary said. "We don't have that kind of a marriage, thank God. I don't believe in or  
approve of husband punishing their wives."**

 **"Neither do I, actually," said Josie. "We've handled too many cases of spousal abuse at the 2-3."**

 **"Besides," Gary said, "it wouldn't clean your slate. The only way to do that is..."**

 **"Tell Joe," Josie said.**

 **"Right. Now, why don't we go to bed?"**

 **####**

 **Rain woke up the next morning and went into the kitchen/dining room. Her parents were already  
there. Josie was frying bacon. Gary was putting the orange juice on the table. The coffee-maker was  
plugged in and working.**

 **"Dad! You're home!"**

 **"Yes, I'm home," Gary said.**

 **"Did Mom... did she tell you..." Rain began.**

 **"Yes," Gary said, "she told me all about it. She also told  
me how awful you feel."**

 **"Oh, Dad, I..." Rain began to cry. "If only..."**

 **"Honey, 'if only' never does any good," Gary said gently. "Just  
remember that your Mom and I love you no matter what."**

 **"Mom said she's gonna punish me," Rain said. "I never thought I'd  
ever **_**want**_ **to be punished."**

 **Josie placed the bacon on a platter covered with paper towels.**

 **After breakfast, Rain looked at Josie expectantly. Josie understood what that look meant.**

 **"Sunshine, I know that I said I would punish you, but there's something I need to do first."**

 **####**

 **Fifteen minutes later, Josie rang Joe and Paulina's doorbell.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Josie waited. A few minutes later, the door opened.**

 **"Josie," Joe said, surprised, "come on in."**

 **Josie walked inside.**

 **"I need to talk to you and Paulina."**

 **"Paulina's asleep," Joe said. "She finally got to sleep, and I don't want to  
wake her up."**

 **"Joe," Josie said, "there's something I have to tell you, and..."**

 **"It's okay, Josie," Joe interrupted. "I'm not blaming you for... for what  
happened, and I don't need to know how you are dealing with Rain. That  
is your business."**

 **"Joe," Josie said, "I meant to tell you last night that... that it was my fault!"**

 **"What are you trying to say?" Joe asked.**

 **"It was my fault," Josie repeated. "I... I left my gun on the dresser... and..."**

 **"No," Joe said in disbelief. "No. Not you, Josie. Not my best cop. You didn't. You couldn't have."**

 **"Are you going to fire me?"**

 **Josie felt ashamed as soon as she asked the question. Here Joe was dealing with the loss of his son, and  
she was worrying about her job.**

 **Joe did not answer.**

 **"I'm sorry. This wasn't the time to ask you that."**

 **"You're right. It wasn't, but I understand why you did."**

 **"Joe, I'm not going to pretend that I understand what you and Paulina are going through right now," Josie said.**

 **"I think you can," Joe answered. "You lost your son, too."**

 **"Yes," Josie said softly, "and I wish that just once I had gotten to hold him. But... but you had  
Dante for so much longer... you **_**knew**_ **him in a way that I can never know..." she couldn't go on.**

 **"I like to think," Joe said, "that our sons are together now."**

 **"Thanks, Joe," Josie said. She looked at him. "But aren't you angry with me?"**

 **"No," Joe said, "I'm not. I don't know why I'm not angry. Something tells me that I should be  
furious with you, but I'm not, at least right now. Maybe later on I will be."**

 **"Rain asked me to punish her," Josie told him.**

 **"Are you going to?"**

 **"Yes. I promised her that I would, but I can't."**

 **"Why not?" Joe asked.**

 **"You know why," Josie said. "If I hadn't been careless with my gun, none of this would have happened."**

 **"That's true," Joe admitted, "but that doesn't excuse Rain for taking the gun, and apparently she knows it,  
or she would not have asked you to punish her."**

 **"But before I can do that," Josie began.**

 **And then, Joe understood. Right now, Josie needed her** _ **captain**_ **more than she needed her** _ **friend**_ **. He forced  
himself to speak sternly.**

 **"Sinclair!"**

 **"Yes, sir?"**

 **"There was no excuse for a good, well-trained, experienced detective like you to forget something so basic as  
to keep your weapon locked up." Joe lowered his eyebrows. "You know that, don't you?"**

 **"Yes, sir," Josie whispered, "I know."**

 **"So," Joe said, "I'm suspending you from the force for as long as Rain is suspended from school, plus one more  
week."**

 **"Weren't you going to let me stay home with her anyway?" Josie asked.**

 **"Yes," Joe answered, "but now it will be without pay. It's for your own good."**

 **"Yes, sir," Josie said, starting to feel just a little better.**

 **"Now go take care of your daughter," Joe said.**

 **####**

 **Josie returned home, and put her key in the lock. She knew that she could not things off any longer.  
She must keep her promise; she must... somehow ... punish Rain.**


	8. Chapter 8

Josie unlocked the door and went inside.

"Rain!" she called. "Come into the living room, please."

Rain obeyed. She and Josie sat together on the sofa.

"Have you... have you decided how to punish me, Mom?"

Josie looked at her adopted daughter... her _daughter_ , and said, "Sunshine, before I punish you, I have to apologize to you for leaving my gun  
where you could get it. I'm very, very sorry."

"Everybody makes mistakes sometimes," Rain answered.

Josie was amazed at and impressed by the child's mature outlook.

"I went to see Joe, and I told him the truth," Josie said.

"Was he very mad at you?

"I think he was more disappointed than angry."

"Did he... did he punish you?"

"Yes," Josie said. "He suspended me without pay, instead of just giving me the time off, for as long as _you_ are suspended from schoo, plus one more week.  
So, this is going to be your punishment. You are grounded for as long as you are suspended, plus one week, and during that time you will get no allowance.  
Fair enough?"

"No," Rain whispered.

"No? Sunshine, I think I'm letting you off very easily. Taking my gun, even though I should not have left it out, was a very wrong thing for you to do."

"That's just it, Mom! It's not ENOUGH of a punishment. I killed Dante! I KILLED him!"

"Rain, listen to me. I am not punishing you for what happened to Dante. That part was an accident."

"I know, Mom, but you should still give me a really big punishment for taking your gun."

Josie thought for a minute.  
"I saw a TV program years ago where a girl shoplifted to get into a club, and her mother asked her what she thought her punishment should be," she said. "So I  
think that's what we'll do. What do you think your punishment should be? And remember, what happened to Dante has nothing to do with it."

"I know," Rain said, "but if I hadn't taken your gun, he'd still be alive.

"And no punishment can change that," Josie said. "So do we cancel your punishment, or do I let you decide what it should be?"

"Just for taking your gun," Rain said bitterly, "I should be punished every day for the rest of my life."

"That's a bit drastic," Josie said.

"Mom, can I really decide my own punishment?"

"Yes, but only if it helps you get through this."

"Okay," Rain said. "I'm grounded, with no allowance, like you said. Besides that, I shouldn't have any dessert during that time, and I should go to bed  
right after supper every night."

"Sounds reasonable," Josie said.

"Plus," Rain went on, "I should have something that hurts... I mean really hurts."

"What do you mean?" Josie asked, afraid of what the answer would be.

"I mean.." Rain crawled over Josie's lap. "I mean you should spank me very, very hard."

Josie gulped. Then she said,"All right, Sunshine, I will."

She raised her hand.  
####

The tv show mentioned in this chapter is "Our House," created by James Lee Barrett.  
The episode referred to is "Artful Dodging, written by Joel J. Feigenbaum.


	9. Chapter 9

Josie raised her hand.

"No," she said to herself, "this isn't right."

Rain waited.

"Sunshine," Josie said, "I can't do it. I can't spank you." She gently slid the little girl off her lap. "I just can't do it."

"Then could Daddy do it tonight?" Rain asked.

"I don't think that would be fair to him," Josie answered.

"But I've _got_ to be spanked!" Rain cried out.

"Why?"

"Because," Rain said, "a spanking HURTS, and I have to be HURT for what I did."

"Sunshine," Josie said, "if you mean that you have to be hurt for... for what happened to Dante... that part was  
an accident. You never meant for it to happen."

"Mom," Rain said seriously, "when people drive drunk, they don't _mean_ to hurt anyone, but if they do... they get charged with...  
what's it called?"

"Vehicular manslaughter."

"Don't you see, Mom? You _should_ punish me for what happened to Dante, because if I hadn't taken your gun to school..."

"Rain," Josie said, "I'm not going to punish you for what happened to Dante. In the first place, it wouldn't bring him back,  
in the second place, you are a child and the law is easier on a child than on an adult, and in the third place, I still say that  
I am at least as much to blame for leaving my gun out."

"Maybe..." Rain hesitated. "Maybe you could ask Joe or Paulina to come over and do it? Or we could go to their house?"

"Tell you what," Josie said. "I'll call Joe and see what he says."

#####

Joe heard his cell phone chime.

"Hello?"

"Joe, it's Josie. I'm sorry to bother you, and I'm ashamed to ask but I need your help with something."

"Go on," Joe said.

"Rain asked me to spank her for taking my gun."

"Did you?"

"No, Joe, I couldn't, not after I was the one who left it out. And Gary and I have _never_ spanked her."

"Did you punish her in any way?"

"Yes. I grounded her and took away her allowance."

"And she didn't think that was enough?"

"No," Josie said, "she didn't."

"Then," Joe said, "you're going to have to spank her."

"I can't," Josie repeated. "Rain suggested that maybe you or Paulina could... do it."

"No," Joe said. "Absolutely not. That's not our job, Josie, now is it?"

"No, sir," Josie whispered. "It's my job. But I'm not sure Rain deserves to be spanked, when it was my fault.."

Joe broke in, "Yes, Josie, leaving your gun out was your fault, but taking it to school was Rain's fault. And it's not so much a question of whether  
she _deserves_ to be spanked. It's a question of relieving some of the guilt she feels. And, Josie..."

"Yes, sir?"

"Maybe you should think of having to spank Rain as part of _your_ punishment for leaving your gun out."

"Maybe," Josie conceded.

"I have to go. Paulina needs me."

####

Josie went back into the living room.

"What did Joe say?" Rain asked.

"He said that spanking you is not his or Paulina's job. He also said that I should think of spanking you as part of _my_ punishment for leaving  
my gun out."

"Then... are you going to?"

"Yes," Josie said, "but only under these conditions."

"What, Mom?"

"I will decide when to spank you, with what to spank you, how hard to spank you, and how long to spank you."

"Okay, Mom."

"Now go to your room and wait for me."

"Yes, Mom."

#####

Twenty minutes later, Josie went into Rain's room. The child looked at her, expectantly, hopefully, fearfully.

"Now, Rain," Josie said, "I'm going to give you that spanking. Do you understand what it is for?"

"Yes, Mom," Rain answered. "For taking your gun and bringing it to school."

"That's right," Josie said. She sat on the bed. "Now, Rain, bring me your hairbrush."

Rain walked over to her dresser and picked up her plastic-backed hairbrush. She handed it to Josie.

"Here, Mom."

"Get over my lap," Josie said, forcing herself to speak firmly.

Rain obeyed. She almost wished, now, that she hadn't asked her Mom to spank her. Even more did Josie wish that she hadn't agreed to do it. But  
mother and daughter both knew that they had to go through with it.

"Now, Rain, I am going to give you twenty spanks, and they will be very hard. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Mom, I'm ready."

"I'm doing this because I love you," Josie said.

She lifted the brush and brought it down, WHACK! on the seat of Rain's pants.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

"OWWWWW!"

Before it was over, Rain was sobbing, not the heartbroken sobs of guilt, but sobs that came from physical pain. And yet there was also, in  
that sobbing, the sound of relief.

Finally, Josie was able to say, "One more, and this will be the hardest of all."

 **WHACK!**

"OWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Josie helped Rain to her feet. Mother and daughter stood facing each other, but neither one of them said a word. Josie took the child in  
her arms and held her close for a few minutes.

"And now," Josie said when Rain had stopped crying, "I want you to get into bed and take a good, long nap. You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?"

"No," Rain said, "I didn't."

#####

Ten minutes later, when Rain had fallen asleep, Josie went into the living room. She threw herself onto the sofa and cried bitterly.

Joe had been right. Giving Rain that spanking had been as much a punishment for Josie as receiving it had been for Rain.

Perhaps even more so.


	10. Chapter 10

Paulina came into the living room. Joe was talking on his cell phone.

"Yes, Josie, leaving your gun out was your fault, but taking it to school was Rain's fault. And it's not so much a question of whether  
she _deserves_ to be spanked. It's a question of relieving some of the guilt she feels. And, Josie..."  
Joe was silent for a few seconds.  
"Maybe you should think of having to spank Rain as part of _your_ punishment for leaving your gun out."

"I have to go. Paulina needs me." Joe ended the conversation, and turned around. "Oh, you're up, Blue Eyes," he said.

"Yes, I'm up, Joe. Now, tell me the truth."

"The truth about what?" Joe asked, afraid that he already knew.

"You were talking to Josie just now, weren't you?"

"Yes," Joe said, "I was."

"What was that about Josie leaving her gun out?" Paulina demanded.

Joe didn't answer.

"Joe, I asked you a question."

Joe sighed.

"It was Josie's fault, wasn't it? She left her gun out, didn't she?"

Joe nodded his head.

"And you didn't fire her?"

"No," Joe said, "I didn't."

"Why not?" Paulina asked. "Why the Hell didn't you fire her for leaving her gun out?"

"Because," Joe said, "it wouldn't have made any difference. Firing Josie would not... it wouldn't bring Dante back."

"So you let her off without any punishment."

"No," Joe answered, "I didn't. I came down on her pretty hard."

"Oh?"

"Yes. She's suspended from the force without pay for as long as Rain is suspended from school, plus one week."

"Well, that's something," Paulina conceded, "but I think Josie should be punished for a much longer time."

"Blue Eyes," Joe pleaded, "try putting yourself in Josie's place."

"I wish I _were_ in Josie's place," Paulina said. " _Her_ child is still alive."

"But think of what they are going through right now."

"What about what _we_ are going through? What about what _I'm_ going through?"

"Paulina," Joe said, "we're all hurting, and we're going to hurt for a long time. But Josie and Rain will have to live  
not only with grief, but with guilt, for the rest of their lives."

"And _we_ will have to live without Dante for the rest of _our_ lives," Paulina said angrily,"but that obviously doesn't matter to you  
HALF as much as your precious pet detective and her daughter do!"

She went upstairs.

A few minutes later, Joe heard the bedroom door slam. Then he heard the lock click.


	11. Chapter 11

Rain woke up an hour later. For a few minutes, she couldn't remember what had happened. Why was she so sad? Why  
did her bottom hurt?

And then, the memories came back.

Dante falling.

Dante falling.

Dante falling.

Dante falling.

Dante falling.

Over and over, Rain saw Dante falling.

The spanking hadn't changed that. The grounding, the no desserts, the bed right after supper, the no allowance, none of that could  
change what had happened, what Rain had done. She knew that now. She knew that nothing could ever change what had happened.

####

Meanwhile Josie and Gary were talking in the living room.

"I think, now, that it was a mistake to spank Rain," Josie said. "It might even have made things worse."

"You told me that she practically begged you to do it," Gary reminded her.

"I know. I just hope she understands that it was for taking my gun, and not for what happened to Dante."

"You explained that to her, didn't you?" Gary asked.

"Yes." Josie sighed. "but I still feel awful about spanking Rain, because what happened was more my fault than hers.  
If I hadn't left my gun out..."

Gary interrupted, "We've been over that already. True, you should not have left your gun out. But Rain knew she wasn't supposed to  
touch it."

"I know," said Josie, "but Rain is a child, and when she saw the gun, she couldn't resist the temptation to take it to school, to show it off.  
I'm the adult,the mother, the cop, and I'm supposed to be the responsible one. What I did was inexcusable."

"MOM!" Rain called from upstairs. "MOM!"

"I'm coming," Josie called back. She started walking towards the stairs, and then turned back to Gary and said, "After I talk to Rain,  
I'm going over to Joe's house and do what I should have done before."

"What's that?"

"Hand in my resignation."


	12. Chapter 12 (short chapter)

Josie went upstairs and walked into Rain's bedroom.

"What's troubling you, Sunshine?"

"Oh, Mom," Rain said, "I had such awful dreams."

"The same dreams you've been having?" Josie asked, taking the little girl in her arms.

"Yes. I thought if you spanked me, they'd stop, but they didn't. They were just as bad as ever!"

"I think," Josie said, "it was a mistake to spank you for taking my gun, even though you wanted me to do it. In fact, I  
think we should cancel the other punishments."

"You do?"

"Yes, Sunshine, I do," Josie answered. "For one thing, it was more my fault than yours. And," she added, "I should have  
realized that you had already been punished."

"You mean when Ms. Jordan suspended me from school?"

"No," Josie said, "when you saw Dante fall."

"That was the worst moment of my life," said Rain. "Dante was my best friend."

"I know," Josie whispered.

"Mom," Rain said, "I think I know what I have to do now."

"What?" Josie asked.

"I have to tell Dante I'm sorry," Rain said. "Will you and Dad take me to his... to his funeral?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Are you sure you want to go to Dante's funeral?" Josie asked.

"Mom," Rain answered, "I _have_ to go."

"I'm afraid it will be too hard for you, Sunshine."

"Maybe it will be, but no matter how hard it is for me, I still think I should be there."

Josie felt ashamed, deeply ashamed. She had not planned to go to the funeral, telling herself it would make things a bit,  
just a bit, easier for Joe and Paulina if they didn't have to face her just then. She knew, now, that she had really wanted  
to avoid the funeral because _she_ was the one who couldn't face it.  
She also knew, now, that she couldn't resign from the force; she would have to go back to the 2-3 once her suspension  
was over. Resigning, she suddenly realized, would be the cowardly thing to do.

"Rain," Josie thought, "is much stronger, much braver, than I am."

####

The day of the funeral came. Joe, Paulina and Sofia, who had returned to Bay City as she had promised, were at breakfast, a breakfast  
which was hardly touched. Eddie Carlino, Dante's grandfather, had not been able to fly in from Calabria, Italy, due to poor health.

"Almost all of Dante's classmates will be at the Mass with their parents," Joe said.

"I know. Ms. Jordan is excusing them from school."

"The only ones who can't come are Edie Garnet and her parents," Joe went on. "Her mom called last night and said they couldn't make it  
because Edie has a bad cold. She told me," he added, "that Edie is very upset because she won't get to say goodbye to Dante."

"I wish _we_ didn't have to say goodbye to Dante," Sofia said.

"I know, Bambina. This is a very hard day for all of us."

####

And then, several hours later, Dante's funeral.

The casket was in the center aisle.

Joe, Paulina, Sofia, Carl, and Rachel sat in the front.

Josie, Gary, and Rain sat in the back.

Most of the officers from the 2-3 were there; most, not all. Some of them had had to remain on duty.

Toni, by request from Joe and Paulina, sang the opening hymn, _Be Not Afraid_.

Fr. Austin Malone led the Introductory Rites.

Paulina walked up to the front of the church to do the First Reading. She looked out at the all the  
people who had come to say goodbye to Dante. At first the sight of them... so many of them...  
was comforting, consoling.

And then she saw Josie, Gary, and Rain.

She began to walk to the back of the church.


	14. Chapter 14

Almost everyone turned to stare as Paulina walked, walked very fast, to the back of the church.  
Joe got up and went after her.

"Please, God," he prayed inwardly, "keep Paulina calm. Don't let there be a scene."

Paulina kept walking. She and Joe reached the back of the church at the same time.  
Paulina hissed at Josie, Gary, and Rain, "What the Hell are you doing here?"

"Paulina, don't," Joe whispered, putting a hand on her arm.

"Don't tell me _don't_ ," Paulina shouted. "I want to know how these people _dared_ to come to our son's  
funeral!

"Paulina," Joe pleaded, "please. Not in Church. Not during our son's (he choked) not during our son's funeral Mass."

"Well, if it hadn't been for her, (Paulina pointed to Josie) and her, (she pointed to Rain) there wouldn't _be_ a funeral Mass  
for our son!"

Fr. Austin Malone, on the altar, prayed silently for guidance. Never before had he encountered such a situation.

"Lord," he whispered, "show me what to do."

"This is a funeral," Josie said, a bit angrily. "It's not a private party. Rain just wanted to..."

Gary, realizing how inappropriate Josie's remark was, said quietly, "Josie."

Just her name, and that was enough.

"I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me."

"I don't forgive you," Paulina replied. "Not for what you said, and especially not for leaving your gun out. Joe," she added,  
"should have fired you!"

"That wouldn't have brought Dante back, Blue Eyes."

And then, suddenly, Rain got up from the pew.

She hurried up to the front of the church, and stood where Paulina had been standing.

"Please," Rain said, "there's something I want to say."


	15. Final Chapter

"NO!" Paulina yelled.  
Rain looked at her pleadingly and said, "Please let me say what I have to say. _Please_!"

"I think," Joe said, "we need to hear her."

Fr. Malone nodded at the little girl.

Rain began, "I'm not a Catholic, so if I'm not supposed to talk now, please excuse me.  
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I need to say this _now_. Dante was my very best friend,  
and now he's gone, and it's all my fault."

"No, Sunshine, it isn't," Josie whispered.

"And I just want to tell his family and all of you, I'm sorry. Please forgive me But the one I want to tell I'm sorry  
most of all and ask to forgive me," she choked out, looking at the casket, "is Dante."

A tearful Rain went back to her parents, and the Mass went on.

Paulina returned to the front and did the reading she had started earlier. Her voice was almost steady... almost.  
It shook most noticeably at the words, "With a little child to guide them."

Toni led the singing of the 23rd psalm.

Sofia read 1st Thessalonians 4:13-18.

Fr. Austin Malone read from the Gospel According to St. Mark, his voice almost faltering on,  
"Let the children come to Me."

And then he delivered the homily, not dwelling on Dante's death, but on his life.  
"We will all miss Dante," he concluded, "but we can take comfort in knowing that  
we shall see him again in Heaven. And now, Dante's father, Captain Joseph Carlino,  
will say a few words."

Joe brushed his hand across his eyes and came up to the front.

"Thank you, Fr. Malone, for that beautiful homily," he began. "Now, I'm not going to say what I had planned to,  
because I think that something else needs to be said."

Everyone wondered what Joe would say next.

"A little while ago," he said," "we all heard little Rain Sinclair say two simple, but very important words: _I'm sorry_ ,  
and ask us, especially Dante, to forgive her." Joe focused on Paulina before going on, "And that made me think:  
what if Dante had gotten his hands on my gun, and Rain had been the one who was killed? Wouldn't he... and I...  
want to be forgiven?"

That was all Joe said, all, but it was enough.

A little later, when the Mass had ended and everyone was leaving, Paulina touched Josie's arm and asked,  
"Are you coming to the cemetery?"

Josie and Gary looked at Rain, and then nodded their heads.

Joe looked at Paulina. He didn't speak, but his eyes said, "Good for you, Blue Eyes."

The two families walked out together, knowing that one careless moment had forever changed things  
between them.

But now, the healing had begun.


End file.
